Bet Your Life
by Satan Barbie
Summary: Would you bet your life that you could make ten people ask you out? James did. And now he has to win the hearts of girls while his two arch nemesis' are determined to bring him down-- even if one doesn't know what's going on.
1. Default Chapter

Bet Your Life

Would you bet your life that you could get any ten girls to ask you out? James did. But can he work his magic beneath the feet of his arch rivals, both of which are determined to make him fall?

Disclaimer: Hmm... I own the pranks and Janine Lark. Other than that, nada!

Chapter One

A tall, rather attractive boy with raven colored, constantly messy hair struggled at his restraints. His eyes focused on a scrawny, slimy, pale, teen inches away, dangling his wand right in front of his face.

"So, Potter, your day draws to a close."

"Give me my wand, Snivellus!" James Potter snapped at his foe, lashing out with his feet.

Snape easily dodged the blow. "You think you can do anything, charm anyone. But the Dark Lord knows better."

"I _can_ charm anyone."

A malicious smile spread across Snape's face. "Are you willing to bet your life on that?"

"Of course."

And that's how James Potter had gotten himself into this mess. He had to get ten girls of Snape's choosing to ask HIM out before the year was over. So, in the midst of his battle with Evans, his adventures with the other Marauders, and procrastinating, he had to woo the hearts of some of the ugliest girls in school.

Snape's first victim was Janine Lark, from Ravenclaw. Not only had Janine never asked anyone out, she had never been asked out or even gone to a school function. For two days, James simply watched, studying her. He sat in the library, watching her read incessantly as he brainstormed tricks on Evans. Janine wasn't that pretty, but she had potential. Her long black hair, always pulled back in a bun, was shiny when brushed. Her deep blue eyes added just a hint of color to her otherwise pale face.

Lily watched him silently. He had been sitting there for hours, the perfect target. After all, she needed revenge on his little trick. The trick that was just as mature as he was...

_Lily opened her eyes slowly, yawning as she sat up. There was something sticky in her hair: toothpaste. As she reached up to touch it, it transformed into a snapping turtle entangled in her hair, biting at her fingers. Shrieking, she jerked out of bed, jumping up and tugging at the creature._

_She triggered a trip wire. Water balloons began bombarding her, falling from the ceiling. And as they hit, soaking her thoroughly, they transformed into pinecones, leaving drops of blood splattered across her head._

This had happened two days ago; she had been in the hospital wing for 32 hours. And now it was finally time for sweet revenge...

James couldn't come up with anything to compare to his last trick. His lips twitched into a smile, remembering her echoing shrieks. You just can't beat the classics!

James stood up and started walking towards Janine. He was ready.

This was Lily's chance. A slight wave of her wand... Potter tripped and fell headlong into a shelf of books, many of whom began making all sorts of odd noises.

'Is that all she's got?' James thought mockingly as his eyes searched for Evans. But the prank wasn't over yet. It was far from over...

Books started hovering directly over his head, books that the wizarding world had never seen the likes of. The first dropped, its title glimmering _Mary had a Little Lamb_. Its pages stretched, enveloping James' body, and closing shut for a few moments before spitting him out.

James had a golden wig on under a blue bonnet, make-up caking his face, wearing a puffy blue dress with pink ribbons, and he was holding a crook.

Up in their dormitory, the other Marauders unexpectedly transformed into sheep.

"EVANS!" Potter yelled so loud every creature in the Forbidden Forest could've heard him.

Lily snickered, twirling her wand between forefinger and thumb. Potter ripped off his bonnet, throwing it towards the floor in disgust. That was her cue!

Another book dropped on him, this one titled _Barney_ When Potter was freed, he was in a large, purple dinosaur outfit. "EVANS, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

Lily burst into giggles and continued her prank against her mortal enemy. By the time Lily ran out of books, Janine was long gone, probably at dinner along with the other students.

In the Gryffindor dormitory, Sirius, Remus and Peter were examining their tongues in the mirror, trying desperately to figure out why they all kept changing shape.

Tears slipping down her cheeks from laughing so hard, Lily made her way to dinner, sitting down next to Diane.

"What's so funny?" her best friend asked, a slight amount of food rolling around in her mouth.

"You'll see," Lily choked out at last, piling food onto her plate.

For the first time since their 1st year, the Marauders were late to a meal. All eyes watched as they stomped towards the Gryffindor table.

"Evans, you DIE!" James hissed, leaning over her threateningly. The threat had soon passed as James was suddenly wearing a purple dinosaur costume. The other three Marauders transformed into large, green, girlish dinosaurs. The room burst into laughter.

James ripped off his mask and launched it at Lily, but as soon as it lost contact with his fingers, the mask disappeared.

"What curse did you put on me, Evans?!" At the word 'curse' he became a huge red dog, but reverted to the dinosaur costume one word later. At 'put' he became a puppet, and at 'me' he wore the original Mary costume.

"No curse, Potter," Lily said calmly, holding back a major case of the giggled.

"What charm then?" (Big red dog)

"Now Potter, why are you so untrusting? I didn't lay a single charm on you."

James looked over where his friends should have been; instead of stood three yapping puppies. "You cursed them too?!"

"I didn't lay a curse on them either," Evans told him after taking a sip of her drink.

"Then why the hell do we keep changing shape?!" James screamed, now a slightly smaller yellow dog with a large brown spot.

"James, say the word 'color'," instructed a crocodile.

"Remus, I'm busy yelling at Evans. I'll say 'color' later." The big red dog again.

"Potter, you really **must** calm down," Evans. informed him, biting into a leg of fried chicken.

"What's going on here?" demanded the Charms teacher, Professor Lalpine, a tall, lanky woman with jet-black hair just below her ears.

"Professor Lalpine, I haven't done anything. Potter, here, just came over and began hurling accusations at me. I really don't understand why." Evan's lip quivered dangerously.

'Damn, she's a good actress!' James thought, annoyed.

"Now, now, Lily. I'm sure you haven't done anything wrong. James here must be mistaken. I surely don't see anything wrong with him."

"I'm a bloody dog, Professor! And it's **her** fault!"

Lalpine considered this for a second. "You look more like a puppet to me."

"James, don't say any words that start with the letters S, P, D, or C!" Remus yelled, finally capable of speech in his puppet form.

"Why can't I?" James asked, turning into the red dog. The smaller dogs began yapping once again. "Evans, if you didn't do anything, then why do my clothes keep changing?!"

"Now James, calm down. It's a simple enough spell," Lalpine comforted her student.

"Then you can fix me?" (Mary) Evans and Diane began laughing insanely, just under Remus and Sirius' baa-ing.

"No."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'NO'?!"

"Mr. Potter, I mean that I can do nothing about your current situation. I'm guessing whoever pulled this ridiculous prank pulled those costumes out of a set of books. All of which, I've never read or heard of before. The only way to 'fix you' is for you to read each of the books in their form in the order they were placed on you."

"EVANS, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"That'll be detention, Mr. Potter."

"WHAT?! BUT, BUT-"

"For the next two weeks. And if you continue with your incessant accusations against Ms. Evans, I'm afraid you won't be going to Hogsmeade either." She looked into his eyes with a forceful gaze before returning to the staff table.

James whirled on Evans, but she was long gone. He sat down at the table, pulling off a yellow bird mask and allowing it to dissipate.

"Like I was saying," spoke a brown elephantine version of Remus, "you change costumes every time you say a word starting with S, P, D, C, M, and B. Do **try** to avoid them."

A small, red, fuzzy human-shaped creature with a huge mouth and an orange nose nodded and chomped into his food.

"I'm going to kill Evans when I figure out how to reverse this stupid (yellow dog!) ARGH! THIS INSANE, STUPID, MALICIOUS, BOTHERSOME, CHILDISH, SPELL, CURSE, OR WHATEVER IT IS SHE'S DONE TO ME!" He was changing so fast you could barely identify what he was until he settled into the Mary costume, throwing off his bonnet and wig.

In the Gryffindor girls' dormitory, Lily, Diane and Samantha were all laughing hysterically, rolling on the floor and clutching their sides.

"Lily, I bow down to your superior pranks. James is **never** going to get out of this one," Samantha squealed with delight.

"Actually, I was planning on leaving hints all over the castle so Potter can go on a scavenger hunt for the books. I figure I should keep him occupied until I can come up with a better prank."

"But of course!" Diane laughed with a fake French accent.

Weeks left until school's out: 33

Girls down: 0/10

Current target: Janine Lark

Interested yet?! R&R!


	2. Chapter 2

Bet Your Life

Would you bet your life that you could get any ten girls to ask you out? James did. But can he work his magic beneath the feet of his arch rivals, both of which are determined to make him fall?

Me: Glad to hear that!

Rivendell Writer: I try. XP And I took them off because they were all so poorly written; you probably don't remember any of them by now, since it's been so long since I've done anything, but if there are sporadic requests I suppose I could put some of it back up…

Raelena: Sorry I didn't grant your hope of a quick update. I'll try and put another up before Christmas, but no promises.

Telecoi: No, of course I don't. NOTE: SARCASM! Regardless, your socks are way too easy to rock. XP

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: Hmm... I own the pranks and Janine Lark. Other than that, nada!

Weeks left until school's out: 33

Girls down: 0/10

Current target: Janine Lark

It had been three days since Lily's last prank, and the sound of laughter had soon dulled into giggles and then finally groans as James and Company changed form during class. At last, Remus just cast a silencing spell on him every hour, to the teachers' consent. James was angry, but there was little he could do about it. He spent every free moment in the library, searching for anything that might help him- the proper book, a list of titles, or even just a moment away from the snickering that echoed from the students who didn't like him. All thoughts of his bet with Snape had completely vanished behind this new seething need for revenge.

So far, he hadn't found any of the books which were now the bane of his existence, but he had found a couple of charms and hexes that he was working on putting together to create some new tricks to pull on Evans. None of them compared with this blasted spell, though, and he knew that he was probably just going to use them all to torment Snivellus once Remus let him talk again.

"Um… excuse me, you're James Potter, aren't you? The boy with the book problem?" a voice asked timidly, and he turned his head up, eyes narrowed to glare at her, mouth opening to snap at her, and of course nothing came out. "I'm really sorry about what happened to you," the girl continued. "That wasn't a very nice thing for Lily to do. She did it, didn't she? I know Professor Lalpine doesn't believe it to be true, but I'm fairly certain I saw her in the Library that day- and you as well. Well, I'm pretty sure it was you, you were yelling so loud."

Janine Lark blushed a bright crimson. "I'm sorry, I'm blabbering," she said, dropping her head. "And you can't defend yourself, since you're mute- that's probably why I'm talking so much. I just wanted to offer my assistance in ridding yourself of this spell."

James flashed her a bright smile, and opened his mouth to assure her that it wasn't a problem and she had a lovely voice and there was nothing wrong with her talking- even without the bet with Snape, he would have used his charms on the girl- but of course, he couldn't say anything.

"Oh. Um… You can nod if it's alright. For me to help you, I mean." James nodded, and she smiled hesitantly.

"You know, it's kind of boring around here, what with the king of Gryffindor unable to speak," Diane said, examining her nails as she sat with Lily in the Common room, putting off her own studying as the red head took care of her own.

"I much prefer the phrase 'peaceful,'" Lily replied, turning the page of her textbook. She didn't admit it, but her friend was right. Not only was James not talking, he was spending all his free time off doing something- no doubt plotting something devious against her.

"You don't think it's about time to start putting the books out in the open?" Diane suggested with a frown. Sirius had been pestering her for a while now, and he was both persistent and annoying.

"Oh, all right!" Lily snapped, closing the book and storming off to the girls' dormitories. "But just one!"

Janine Lark was a good ally to have, staunch, diligent, and not too ugly, if you could coerce her to wear the proper attire, which he would figure out how to get her to do when he wasn't mute. She was also more of a chatterbox than anyone would have ever guessed. With no human companions for a couple of years, she seemed to have bottled up all the conversations that he had ever had, and was pouring them out at him in the course of a couple hours. James could do nothing except smile and nod as the torrent of talking droned on and on. When it was time to go back to the dorms, he was more than a little bit relieved.

Imagine his surprise when he nearly tripped over a book while coming through the portrait, picking it up and tossing it absentmindedly over his shoulder towards the fireplace. A split-second later he realized what it might have been and whirled around frantically, leaping for the book to save it from the flames which it fell a few feet short of with a soft THUD against the floor. It was a twenty or so page long children's book, for Muggles, he assumed, with the title of 'Spot'. He recognized the dog on the front of the cover and tried to let out a yell of victory. He'd gotten one of the blasted books!

If he had been thinking more clearly, he would have realized that Lily must have put it in the middle of the Common Room on purpose, but he was so tired and ecstatic that he could care less, taking it with him up to his bed and waving it in Sirius' face.

"Congratulations," Sirius said sleepily, trying to turn over and bury his head back in his pillow. James continued waving it in his face, so he finally just snatched the stupid book, tucking it under his arm and yelling at James to go to sleep.

When James finished with this stupid spell, he was never going to let anyone cast a silencing spell on him again!

The next morning at breakfast, Janine had actually approached James in front of his friends to shyly ask if he wanted to meet in the Library to work on his cure during lunch. Sirius had given the girl a look of confusion, and then James an identical one, but Remus told Janine that they all appreciated the help she was giving them all and if she ever needed anything, to not hesitate to ask. She had blushed profusely and fled.

"Amazing," Diane remarked, watching from down a couple of tables. "Even when he can't talk he has girls flocking about him."

"You want a flock?" Lily asked with a smile. "Watch this." She flicked her wand and muttered a short incantation, and Sirius jumped up and began shouting a stream of random words for three minutes straight. Remus and James both pulled him back into his seat and told him to shut up, but he wouldn't, and Remus finally tried the same silencing spell he was using on James, but to no avail. Finally, the spell faded, and a red-faced Sirius drank a cup of water to quench his sore throat before making a couple of pathetic jokes.

Lily frowned. "What's wrong?" Diane asked.

"That should have been Potter," she growled. "Not only that, but it should have continued for about three hours, sporadically, instead of just three minutes nonstop."

"Nobody's spells work all the time. Probably had something to do with the silencing spell he's on," Diane replied with a shrug.

Lily didn't mutter a 'Mine do!' despite the temptation, instead telling Diane, "I dealt with that- it didn't work on Sirius, you'll notice. I bet Potter rigged it to fail! Couldn't stop my spell entirely, but he managed to stop them all from changing all day."

"James isn't that smart," Diane said skeptically, but Lily ignored her, furrowing her brow and concentrating on her breakfast. She'd get James with the next book!

The Marauders had a private discussion as soon as their last class was over- they would normally have called an emergency meeting during lunch, but James couldn't escape his 'date' with Janine (which Snivellus had insisted didn't count as 'asking him out').

"Can't you and Lily just call a truce?" Peter whimpered, tearing off his costume; James had been taken off his silence so he could take part in the conversation. Sirius and James both shot him a look, and Peter immediately regretted it.

"Although I'm tempted to agree," Remus stated, "our first matter of business is dealing with this atrocious spell. Any progress, James?"

"Janine has figured out the titles to a couple, but that won't do us much use, since it has to be the exact same book, and Evans'll have those. I suppose we could try summoning them, but it won't work on more than one, I'm guessing. We have one book- actually, Sirius has it."

Sirius jumped, startled, but had to wait until James muttered a word which gave him a form with a mouth before he could respond. "Wait, what?" Sirius finally asked. "I don't have any books! That would require reading!"

"You stole it from me last night when you were half asleep," James informed him.

Sirius thought for a moment. "Oh. Right. I think it fell under my bed."

"Peter, fetch," James instructed, and Peter dashed off to get it.

"If Sirius just got it last night, you don't think…" Remus mused.

"I was the real target!" James said, slapping his forehead. "It must've had something linked to the last person to touch it, to make it more effective!"

"Really poor explanation, but I agree. I'd be careful if I were you, James- Lily is rather more intelligent than you are."

"You've gotten one of the books?" Janine asked, looking up from the note James had written. "Oh, that's just splendid! I'm glad to hear it! Do you have any idea how to get the others? I've got a couple ideas of where we could look for spells- I don't know if it'll prove to be effective, but there's nothing wrong with trying!" James flashed her a smile and Janine blushed.

When James got his hands on the second book, _Mary had a Little Lamb_, it transformed him at the first touch- but somewhat more effectively. His gender had been switched, and his long golden locks were real. Everyone got to laugh once again at dinner, and Lily hid a smile under her hand as James yelled at her in his new, higher-pitched voice. Janine quickly found a spell to turn him male again (although his hair was still stuck blonde and curly for a while afterwards) and had actually taken to talking to him in the hallways. Everyone was miffed at why this quiet, nerdy girl was suddenly hanging around James, but she seemed a great deal happier, and when she started wearing her hair down at James' suggestion, many of the males, especially from Ravenclaw, found time to either thank or congratulate James.

Snape was livid- he'd thought Janine would be a challenge, and here she was, already hanging off of his arm after a couple of days. He'd have to think harder on James' next targets if he wanted to win the bet.

The third and fourth book were attached to each other and made James stick to anything he touched, as if he were covered with an incredibly strong form of glue. He couldn't get his wand out of his hand, his hairbrush out of his hair, or a chair from his rear, and by the time he'd gotten to his second class of the day, the Professor had just given him a look of disgust and told him to sit in the corner and _not touch ANYTHING _until the bell rang. Janine sorted him out once again, after skipping an afternoon class to search the library for the counter-spell.

Lily was disappointed- she'd worked hard on that spell, and Janine, a girl she'd once thought to be her equal, was helping her enemy without restraint. It would have taken the Marauders an all-nighter to get that off of James if it hadn't been for Miss Lark. She spent another couple days designing the next spell to be sure that it wouldn't be thrown away so easily.

"James?" He looked up and blinked, trying to sort out who was talking to him- Janine was wearing contacts instead of her normal glasses. She looked completely different, and James couldn't help smiling- he wouldn't have to date a bad-looking girl after all, assuming she ever asked him out. "Um… well, I've found a book that might be helpful, but the Library doesn't have it, so I was hoping that maybe over the weekend, if we could get permission from a teacher of course, which I'm sure we could, since they're all sick of your predicament, you'd like to join me in going to Diagon Alley- we could use a portkey, and I don't think anyone would object…" She trailed off, cheeks flaming red although she didn't duck her head this time. The change in her character was amazing. James wondered vaguely if all nerdy girls were like this, just waiting for an attractive boy to give them attention. If so, he had this bet with Snivellus in the bag.

_Are you asking me on a date?_ James wrote on a piece of paper, raising an eyebrow.

Janine took a sharp intake of breath, and then nodded. "Yes. Yes, I am. If you want to go, of course. We could do something fun as well- I don't think the teachers would begrudge us that."

Weeks left until school's out: 32

Girls down: 1/10

Last target: Janine Lark

Current target???

Interested yet?! R&R!


End file.
